Mindfully Growing Children To Be Who They Naturally Are

I received this video today from a good friend; she knows the work I do teaching Mindful Parenting, and, she  knows my love for dogs.

I may take a risk here using a video about training of a therapy dog as a venue to increase your learning as a Mindful Parent, but I love the lesson in this video so please forgive me if I offend you.

Here we go.

When I watched this video it reminded me of what can happen to people when they try to be someone they are not. This is like trying to force a round peg into a square hole, it just doesn’t work.  In my clinical practice I have worked with some very depressed  people. Good people. Intelligent and creative people. Spiritual and adventurous people.  Lawyers, teachers, architects, engineers, physicians and stay-at home moms and dads. On the surface, their lives look good. They have money in the bank, nice homes, family and friends. Then why are they depressed?

Have you have ever worked somewhere that you hated? Have you ever joined a cause out of guilt rather than passion?

For a number of these individuals they were simply unhappy with their chosen careers, while others had been living in a ways unfulfilling for them.  As a family therapist, I explore with my clients the adherence to any family beliefs and attitudes that are not fitting to them as adults. If we are not mindful to the generational family expectations and rules, as adults we are likely to make choices that appeal to our parents rather than to ourselves. And, as parents, we are likely to pass down these same patterns to our children.

The most well intentioned parents are often not aware when they are over directing their child’s life to ensure their child develops into a secure, successful and happy adult. However, we can’t nurture out nature. We can’t parent them into what we want them to be. Of course, it is our duty to help our children find out what is interesting to them by exposing them to the variety of choices life offers. But, where our direction ends is when our child shows little to no interest. So, we step back, we accept this, we love them, and then watch to see what seems naturally interesting to them.  One of my nieces is a natural artist. She found a liking to making figurines out of food and decided at age 9 she was going to be a food artist.  Now, I am not sure what the job market will look like for food artist down the road, but does this interest of hers get squelched because of this uncertainty? This is where the dilemma comes in as a parent right?

I was fortunate to grow-up with parents that didn’t put pressure on me and my siblings to work toward professions that did not fit for us. At age 17 I wanted to study technical theater. I even went to a specialized school in this for a few years. My parents never doubted me. Once I realized how horrible and untalented I was in this area, they simply suggested I take a variety of classes at a community college to see what appealed to me. I was hooked  for good in my first psychology class.  As I look back  on this time in my life, I recognize a skill my parents had was to know when to provide opportunity and when to step back and let nature take over.

In this video, the trainer of the featured dog knew when to let nature take over what she was unable to nurture.  When this trainer watched the other interests this dog had, she was able to direct his attention and energies in these areas.

After watching this video, think about your children. Are you forcing a round peg into a square hole or are you exposing your child to opportunities then stepping back to watch nature take over?

After you watch this video I would love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, stories, anything! Just leave them in my comments area.

A Dog Who Found Her True Self

Happiest Holidays and a Joyous New Year!

Mindfully yours,

Pilar Placone