You are the Master Gardener of YOU

I just browsed my vegetable garden and I am delighted to report that there are enough Roma tomatoes and basil to make my favorite summertime meal, bruschetta, drowned in garlic and olive oil!

In my book, “Mindful Parent Happy Child: A Guide to Raising Joyful and Resilient Children,” I use aspects of gardening as a metaphor for parenting quite often.

Here are a few:

“If we want to raise a loving child, we need to plant and tend the seeds that grow love.”

“Like any good garden, a healthy parent-child connection must be tended with the right tools and growth-producing agents.”

I give out small bags of seeds to each participant in my classes. I ask them to plant the seeds in a special pot and then set it in a conspicuous place, like by the front door. The flowers that grow represent the gardener’s mindful parenting practice. Gardens are just one way to remind ourselves that our children can best thrive and bloom when we consistently attend to their needs, and provide daily nurture with love and care.

Negative social stressors are increasing. Our nation and world struggle with ideological conflicts and a weakened economy. Gas prices are on the rise. Teachers are getting pink slips. Our kids’ classrooms are growing larger and after school programs are being shortened and cut. Changes like these force us to make adjustments, many of which can be quite challenging and painful. The accompanying social stress impacts our bodies, minds and lives. The effects accumulate with time; sometimes more quickly than we can adapt.

We now know that long-term stress causes illness, weakens the immune system, and triggers mood disorders, like depression, and anxiety. In such times, we are at higher risk of becoming reactive, isolating, and self-medicating. We must take care of our self—our inner garden—and an effective way to do this is to cultivate mindfulness.

Here are a few simple mindfulness practices to ease stress in your day:

1. Take a news/media retreat. Turn off your car radio, television, and twitter.
2. While summer is still hear, sit in your yard or find a park. Sit, be quiet, and appreciate nature.
3. “Bear-proof” your worry. Imagine taking all the worries you don’t need in the present moment and placing them in a garbage bag. Imagine yourself tying the bag with a long piece of twine and hanging it high in a tree. When you need to deal with a particular concern, pull it down and extract that one worry from the bag. Then re-compartmentalize all the other worries by returning them to their out-of-reach container. Every camper knows this is the best way to keep bears at bay!
4. Eat slowly and healthfully. This can be really hard to do when we are feeling rushed, worried and stressed. We tend to stop paying attention to things we do automatically, we even quit enjoying the taste of food. Make sure one meal a day is eaten mindfully.

Tending to your self—your personal garden—by managing the day’s stress and worry will help you keep your intention on attending to your children’s need for you to be present. When children have that felt-sense of your being more connected with yourself, they will feel more connected with you and themselves, and more secure to explore and engage the world in positive ways. You are their foundation. When you are grounded, they are ever so much more likely to be so themselves.

Become the Master Gardener of YOU. Weed out worry. Water and fertilize your mind, body and spirit with good nutrition and rest. Prune negative emotions and reactions. Take time daily to watch your garden grow.

How are you managing your personal garden? Share with other readers what you do to manage your stresses and worries so you can be the best parent you can be to your child.

Mindfully yours,

Pilar